Everybody hurts, and that includes me. Brothers and Sisters, I'm hurting because I did a bad thing, a real bad thing, and now I have to pay for that bad thing. I got a real bad speeding ticket of about $250. I won't reveal just how fast I was going, but if I had, theoretically, been going 4 mph faster, it would have been a felony. Now, anyone who knows me can tell you I am unbelievably cheap, and that I HATE paying for things. And on top of it all, I am poor as fuck. What does this all mean? Well, I recently made a chap book that is inspired by the life and teachings of one Marie Osmond, and I'm pretty proud of it, so proud that I'm going to sell it...to you.
I'm offering you the one thing I have to offer you in exchange for money/and or goods: poetry...and house cleaning if you're interested. So, if you've been feeling guilty about something lately, and need to absolve yourself, buy my book. If you've been thinking about volunteering or donating to charity, do those things, but also buy my book. Don't feel obligated to buy the book, just know that if I can't pay for this ticket there will be a warrant out for my arrest (and I will get arrested).
I'm confident I can scrape the money together one way or another, but wouldn't it be great for me if you could help me? and great for you? So, I'm asking for $5 for the book, and $1.50 for shipping, so that's just $6.50 total! In the next day or so I'll be posting excerpts, some drawings, and a photo of the ticket in question.
If you are interested in owning your own copy of THE SHIELD OF MEDICATION please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also here is the cover, as kindly prettied up by Kasey:
3 years ago