Sunday, November 16, 2008

6:21 AM Surfer

If god seems faraway, you moved away.
God seems far away.
He has lived with Rhinos, and
All the people who wanted to be born rhinos are
So jealous of him. Everyone is jealous of god
Cause he’s living it.

God has loved me for so long that I forget
When we first met.
I guarantee, yes I do. I like to pretend he is
There, and that he is also here, and everywhere.
I like to tell him stories about growing up
In Asia. I like to tell him all about the time
That car chased me.

I ask god “why does my fingers get
Dark during pregnancy?”
He says “I am running! I am
Running!” so happy in the dreams.
I am escalator. I am enemy?
why does my pubic hair itch
When my dell tower cpu
beeps every 2 minutes. I can say I
Hope anything. I can play possum
And say stand up, me! I consider
Me to believe. Then god provided me
With a wide choice of trash cans and
Delicious, delicious ice cream.

I am the ghost of pool, said to be the
Ghost of shy Mr. Holt.

There are so many
good people in this world.
Out of the tre a sure comes revolt.
Baby bangs and Ryan church nausea.
Ryan church concussion.
Ryan church dizziness post-concussion syndrome.
Personal development vs. church nausea vs.
Sharkbite Christian surfers. Personal development
Is 5 miles away. Do I find out and just…

God, where does money come from?
I don’t know anything. When you
Are up late and you don’t recognize
Anyone. And I cry if you look at me.
You are one of the few.
Sit here in this picture here. In
Father’s lap, sit ye down, here.
Please, I am highly emotional,
I am the least fussy.

Now playing: Pras - Ghetto Superstar (feat. Mya)
via FoxyTunes
I am so fucking tired.

Monday, November 3, 2008


Those are dumpy jeans. He has dumpy-butt. I ask “Do you like music?” and then “What music do you like?”

He likes the song “Beautiful.” He says he can’t listen to that song. I take this to mean it makes him sad. I say I cannot listen to “beautiful” either because I dislike the song. I can’t really remember the words…well. It’s not really that kind of song.

I look at the man next to me, and then at his hands. The left hand is average, but the right is strange. His fingernails seem to have grown into his fingers. They look yellow and dry. There is no separation. The nail and finger are one. I feel a little like passing out, but don’t. Brook told me about a man she saw on the bus. She said he had blood under his fingernails, but she had this feeling it was not his blood. She said she thinks it was the blood of innocents. We then talked about evil, or the lack thereof. The whiteness is evil. But not the man. Whiteness is like the devil, and you don’t have to be white to have it, and just because you are white does not mean you have it. Evil people have it, whoever they are.

The light blinks red on and off. I once cut through a church to get away from him and then I got stuck in a stairwell and had to jump a fence. I’m not sure why he scares me. He’s probably a nice guy. You can live through anything if Magic made it. I remember learning about AIDS in 3rd grade and my teacher used Magic Johnson as an example.

I had that dream about the Vagina Monologues, again. What if it were Vagine? Va-jean. I was selected by an actor to follow this hooded character backstage, and we disappeared behind a wall. He took off his mask and was bald. The play began with these strange gothic characters/monsters pacing in the ocean. One looked like Oscar Wilde. There was a sing along portion of the play, but we had to learn it in groups during intermission.

Light Goes

In all these things there

Is the presence of light, but

Light must not be in it to be

A true thing.

In every room there is nothing,

But there is light.

The light goes home quickly.

Light is a zipper that goes down

The road.

Light has many categories: mom-light,

Tree-light, paper-light, baby-light,

Orange-light, shoe-light, and


These are different than real

Lights: Mexican-Light and soy-light.

Light walks in no time at all.

It goes like “mmm, yes.”

Light is in tables. Light is

Easy like smooth pressure.

Light is afraid like all creatures,

And historical. More historical

As it moves.